The Struggle of Decision-Making
Life is full of decisions. From the small, everyday decisions of what to eat for lunch to the big, life-changing decisions of starting a new job - our minds are constantly making choices. Because of all the choices we make, our minds can become overwhelmed and exhausted, making it even more difficult to decide what to do. During decision-making processes for the bigger decisions in life, there are rarely clear, straightforward answers for what’s the right or best thing to do. Because of this uncertainty, we often feel a wide range of emotions and our minds are launched into problem-solving mode. When we’re in this high emotional state, it’s even harder to think, causing a vicious cycle of uncertainty, anxiety, problem-solving, frustration, exhaustion, then putting the decision off until later. This cycle can go on forever if we allow it; however, by continuing to respond to uncertainty of decisions in this way, we’re pulled farther away from the life we want to live.
While no decision is easy, we can simplify it through noticing what our mind is doing and choosing what’s in our control. In The Happiness Trap, Russ Harris, author, therapist, and a major contributor to the counseling theory of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), writes about the three broad categories we have in any dilemma: Stay, Leave, or Stay & incorporate your values. For example, in choosing a new job, you have the choice to 1) Stay at your current job; 2) Leave your job; or 3) Stay at your job and incorporate what’s meaningful to you. There isn’t a “bad” option in the three; however, each comes with its own set of pros & cons. What we can do, though, is to actively choose one option everyday. While these daily choices don’t make the decision any easier, they allow us to acknowledge our ability to choose regardless of the option. Below are some additional steps to take when you find yourself in the endless loop of indecision.
Acknowledge the aspects of your decision - be specific and clear with yourself about what the dilemma is and the factors that are affecting it (it can sometimes be helpful to write these out!)
Notice & name your mind’s responses - what are you thinking and feeling, and how is your mind trying to problem-solve? (continually repeat this step throughout whenever you start feeling overwhelmed or feel the urge to avoid)
Identify your options - list out the options, no matter how impossible, impractical or unrealistic
Recognize what’s important to you - what are your values and what’s meaningful about this decision
Take action - actively make a choice, even if that means you actively choose not to change anything, tell yourself “Today, I’m choosing to stay at my job”