How to Help Someone Who Is Struggling
Seeing people you care about struggling or in pain is such a challenging experience. It’s also confusing to know what to say, how to help, and what resources to provide. I’m definitely well-aware of the complexity of these situations, and how they’re filled with worry, guilt, sadness, anger, and fear.
When trying to figure out what your role is in this challenging situation, I use a metaphor to help. If someone were to come up to you on the street with a broken arm, how’d you respond? I’m sure you’d initially feel many emotions - shock, fear, confusion, and urgency to help. You’d probably also start feeling compassion for this person. What would you do next? Well, if you aren’t a medical doctor, I doubt you’d try to set and cast the arm on the spot. You might, however, ask some simple questions - what’s your name?, how’d this happen?, is there someone close to you to help?. Maybe, then, you’d take some action - call their support person, call an ambulance, or maybe take them to the ER yourself if able. Even after you got them to a doctor to help, I’m sure you’d continue think about them and worry if they’re okay.
With that scenario played out, how might you transfer those steps to your loved one struggling emotionally or mentally? Below are some steps that might be helpful!
Use Compassion - Seek to understand the other person’s perspective, even if you don’t agree or it doesn’t make sense to you
Connect with them - Take time to engage in shared interests with them, reinforcing your desire to spend time with them
Know Your Limits - You don’t have to be the only person to support them, it’s okay to say no and offer them other resources for support
Take Care of Yourself - It’s very hard to be present and care for someone else when you haven’t been caring for yourself
Lastly, if you’ve tried all these options, and still don’t know what to do, it might be time to seek therapy for yourself. I’ve worked with many people to help navigate their emotions surrounding difficult relationships and help them maintain helpful boundaries to better love the other person. I’d be happy to assist you, too, if you find yourself in a similar situation!