The Truth About Pride
Pride is very confusing. Is it positive or negative? Is it an emotion or a character trait? Should we be proud of our accomplishments or is pride the root of all sin? What’s the truth about pride?
According to the American Psychological Association and research by Jessica Tracy, PhD, pride is a universal human emotion that has evolved to have some benefit in society, such as maintaining our status or role (1). Pride is also considered to be a “self-conscious” emotion due to its need for social awareness (1). In another research study, it was found that there are two types of pride: authentic pride and hubristic pride (2). Authentic pride is correlated with positive self-esteem, extraversion, agreeableness, and conscientiousness. Hubristic pride, however, is correlated with narcissism and shame-proneness. In other words, pride can be both beneficial and have consequences (2).
With my own clients, I am always curious when they bring up pride. They usually say something like this: “I did ___ thing out of my pride. I shouldn’t be so prideful. I need to be more humble.” I often challenge these statements - there is some truth to them, however, we can’t just get rid of pride and become more humble. Instead, we need to take some time to understand what the function of pride is for us and, as Dr. Tracy’s research showed (1), what social role pride is serving.
Through exploring my clients’ pride, many times, we’ve uncovered another self-conscious emotion: shame. At initial glance, pride and shame seem to be complete opposites - pride expands our self-worth, shame diminishes it. After a deeper exploration, however, we find that their pride is linked to shame, specifically that shame can be at the root of pride.
Shame gives us messages such as: “I’m not good enough at ____,” “I’m so awkward. No one would be friends with me,” “If people only saw how dumb I am, they’d never want to spend time with me.” What awful messages to be carrying! This is when pride swoops in, changing the messages to: “I’m the best at ____,” “Everyone should be friends with me,” “People are lucky to spend time with me.” Now, those messages feel so much better! Of course you’d rather experience the self-esteem boost from pride instead of the horrible feelings of shame.
After identifying and understanding the link and patterns of shame & pride, my clients and I address the shame, which helps the pride to relax, too. I’ve also found that by taking the time to truly understand the purpose of pride, we can use it as a signal instead of trying to fight it or get rid of it. I often show my clients the image below to help illustrate the relationship between shame & pride, and how transforming shame into self-worth through compassion then transforms pride into true humility.
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